I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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