so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
