1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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