he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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