My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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