When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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