OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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