Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
