I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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