Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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