she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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