just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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