Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
