she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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