I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
