clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
