Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
