i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
