mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
