I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
