I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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