as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
