Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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