My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
