idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
