just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
