i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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