You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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