I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
