we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it glows. i had to have it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
