The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
