at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
