If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
