U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
