new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
