i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
