Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He passed out mid-signature
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
