My Higher Power is John Stamos
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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