Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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