I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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