3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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