this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The power of my boobs compel you
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
