You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
