dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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