I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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