Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
