So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
