normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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