I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
