I look better un-naked...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
