You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
