I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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