She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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