The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
