i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We are all done wearing pants today
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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